She shifts gently in the warmth of the bed.  Worn blankets that have a soft, familiar scent to them encase her, long auburn hair tangled and splayed out carelessly.  Turning to her side and shrugging the blanket securely between her shoulder and chin, Amanda lets out a contented sound.

A rustling sound comes from next to her as someone else cuddles closer to her heat.  Amanda's eyes fly open, her body tenses on reflex.  Slowly, she relaxes as she remembers where she is.  She doesn't even try to fight the smile that crawls lazily across her face.  Blinking her sleepy eyes, she leans her face forward, planting a quiet kiss on Natalie's brow, her face obscured by her wild red hair, tousled more than Amanda's.

Stirring, Natalie turns her face upward, catching Amanda's gaze with her own confused one.  Recognition and something stronger pours out from her expression, and her arm snakes through the blankets to rest on Amanda's hips.

"G'morning," Amanda mumbles, slipping her hand across Natalie's freckled arm, grazing her cheek with a caress and sliding her nails across Natalie's scalp.

Natalie smiles, obviously happy that the prior night had not been a dream as she had feared.  Her hand glides from where she had been tracing circles on Amanda's hips across the plane of smooth skin to her growing stomach, lightly feeling Amanda's heart beat there, near her belly button.  Imagining the accidental life growing there, knowing she already loves this kid as much as she loves Amanda and as much as she hates the 'father' for abandoning her.  Knowing she will do her damned best to protect both Amanda and her child (their child?) and hoping she wasn't the only one thinking long term.  Remembering how much drama and how many tears they had both seen to get to this point, and feeling.

Feeling grateful and loved and goddamn lucky.  Natalie can't help herself as she tilts her face to kiss her once again lover, her love and emotion fueling the strength behind it.

"Mornin'," she answers softly.

Check it out homies.

myfakeheart.livejournal.com

basket for bike............15
handlebars..................7
couch..............?............50-100
chairs..............?............?
more later

ETSY SALE!!

Everything I've got up for $6 each with shipping.  I NEEDS MONEYS!

http://nikilemonade.etsy.com

As I sit here watching Bones (oh god I love the Deschanel ladies) I figured I should describe the weekend.

Never.  Again.  I can't not have a table at that con.  Lame.  Just, not for me.  It was...interesting.  The new place was pretty, but huge.  Argh.  My legs...ugh.  But that was probably partly because of the 3 hours of dancing I did both nights.  It was fun, but exhausting.  Made some new friends reconnecting with old ones, and Becky was adorable.  Everyone got along fine, which made me happy.

Also:  I found Antique Bakery 2-4.  I was ecstatic, and paid forty dollars for them (not each).  Also found a pretty three layer bento and a star charm from Mario and a diorama from Galaxy Express.  I spent most of my money on food.  Next year will be planned better.  I tried to just wing it this time, and was deeply disappointed by the results.

I don't have much else to say.
....?

Animazement.  I'll be there.  Eventually.  Fuck not ready. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHGAGHGHGHAfuckjews

It comes suddenly and without warning.  Half listening to the song playing on my laptop as I read warm and funny stories written by an incredibly talented author.  I realize what song it is.  The words I sang before, two years ago, in the passenger seat of a car, silver and well loved by the boy I'm supposed to be dating.  And in the backseat, the one I wish I were dating, the girl who proclaims that she loves my voice when I sing.  How I love her, how I worship the ground she even thinks about walking on...she's the only reason I date him.  His name is Chris, hers is Sara.  I love her, not him.  I tell him.  I inform him of my crush on my best friend, and he says it's cool.  I don't think he ever understood that.  How far gone I was for her.



How faint memories can still conjure that same sensation, of a lasso being tied around my heart and pulled from my chest in heaves, strong and irresistible.  She's on the other end of that line, smiling that happy mischievous smile of hers that can belong to no one else but Sara.  He said it was cool, but when I finally confront him, and break up with him.  He cries.  He can't understand.  But I do.  I don't like him.  His kisses flood my mouth with his saliva, which was something that made Sara laugh hard for long minutes when I told her.  But I wanted to try.  I wanted to get over Sara.  I was getting tired of walking the razor's edge with her.  Up until I finally do confess.


And she suggests I ask out this female friend of ours.  And it is a sobering moment in which my heart starts to break.  I grow bolder, and say things that I know will upset her, but then...then I no longer concerned myself with whether or not she would like me after that.  I was tired of her attitude.  So I spoke my mind.  In the space of a week, we are no longer speaking.  And my heart has finally broken in two.  I am eventually elated.  Maybe, with her being a bitch to me, I can get over her.  Within a month, she has called me and apologized, but I don't seek her out.  I let her come to me, let her invite me.  I started falling for her again the next summer, when her attentions become more adventurous.  Bolder.  More seductive.  My heart is piecing itself together again.  I don't think I'll ever be over her.


But now...now she's pregnant.  Now she's having his child.  I'm still not sure how I feel about this.  Not moved to tears as I was for my other friend, Erica, one of the few women I've never felt anything but platonic love for in my life.  Not upset and worried as I was for Drew.  Just...numb I suppose.  Like this is the clincher.   Now...I suppose now she really never will call me and confess her love as I might have secretly hoped for my whole life.

I updated!  Where's my cookie?  And by cookie I mean comments.  and love.  Where's my love?  <3

http://myfakeheart.smackjeeves.com
http://nikilemonade.deviantart.com/art/MFH-Page-Fifty-Six-122596117

A monologue written through the eyes of an original character as she confesses her love for her gay friend.

I like you.  Okay.  No, no.  It's not.  It's not okay, because I know you'll never reciprocate.  I know this, I know, and yet.  Is this what drove Shakespeare to craft Romeo and Juliet?  This wonderful horrendous feeling that can't-won't-be denied?  And...is that why it ended as a tragedy?  Because he couldn't.  He couldn't be with the woman he loved.  And, and...haha.  I can't think of what to say.  That's rather peculiar for me, don't you think?  Leonard, I am left speechless because I'm in torment.  And I don't say this hoping you'll feel guilty or ashamed, because you have no reason to feel as such.  I'm the one at fault here.  You were just doing as your heart dictated, and your heart dictated that you weren't attracted to me.  And maybe...I don't know.  Maybe I'll get over it, but I'm kind of relieved you'll be gone all summer.  I will miss you, and I will most likely regret this conversation but...now you know.  So.  Erm, yes.  Good bye.

A monologue written through the eyes of a parent.

I'm tired.  Of fighting you two on this.  I know that you can't really change it, that it's just part of who you are, but I had hopes for you guys.  Normal hopes that every mother has.  I expected...but I guess I should have known you two would thwarted those too.  I mean, how could I have known that you would be so talented at that art thing.  Or that Amanda would be so great at that Spanish stuff.  Maybe I just lost touch with you, but I'm your mother.  I'll always love you, no matter what my actions made you think.  I couldn't deal with it.  Both of you?  How did that happen?  It's statistically...but I was wrong.  And I'm sorry.  You'll never hear me say that again.  So.  Just...be honest okay?  I don't want to lose either of you.

But I must write.  Just read an execellent story, and I can't concentrate.  Also, smacking your own eye does not making it stop twitching.

Also, I just realized, it's been a while since I was sick enough to be knocked off my ass.  Which is a good thing considering my suckage with teh attendance.  Since last October according to a quick dA journal rehash.  Wowzer.  maybe I am taking better care of myself, considering my crappy sleep schedule.

She blows gently on the steaming tea as I watch.  Her lips, perpetually protected by that lip balm she's addicted to, purse cutely.  Her left fingers curl around the outside of the white coffee cup, and her right fingertips meet them.  I wonder if she's noticed me yet?  Me, sitting here day after day, trying to figure her out.  For shits and giggles, I decide to mess with her head as she sets the cup down on the cheap tabletop.

Sarah... I whisper huskily into her mind.  She jolts, and if it had been the tea in her hands instead of the book, she'd be dripping wet right now.  The thought makes me giggle, and I think I accidentally sent that one into her brain too, because she grips the pages of the paperwork tighter.  She's trying to look stealthily around, probably to see if she knows anyone in the cafe.  I look away, focusing on the newspaper that was here when I found this seat.  When I looked through the window and saw her, my latest victim.

Her name is Sarah Goodman.  She works at some telemarketing firm uptown, lives in a modest apartment downtown.  She's a pretty cool person, from what I can tell.  Quiet but cheerful, with long chestnut brown hair and soft golden eyes.  Her eyes were what drew me in in the first place.  She was just staring off into space, but her look was one of longing, desire.  Like she was so forlorn and lonely.  The lonely ones are the best.  They usually can give you a form of someone they wish they were with, or they'll have a particular type they fantasize about.  They're usually easy to figure out.

But this girl...she's a mystery.

I can't for the life of me figure out what kind of form she would most enjoy.  She seems almost...asexual.  Like she's only mildly interested in sex.  Which is strange for a young woman her age.

Kimi To Iu Kana by Asian Kung Fu Generation

Miesuita FOOMU no zetsubou de
Kara mawaru kokoro ga RUUPU shita
Nanige naku nanto naku susumu
Yodomi aru SUTOORII
Itsu datte nanika wo ushinatte
Sono tabi ni bokura wa kyou wo shiru
Imi mo naku nantonaku susumu
Yodomi aru SUTOORI

Tsumari tada sore kudake chitta dake

Minukareta bokura no yokubou de
Kiekakaru kokoro ga RUUPU shita
Nanige naku nanto naku susumu
Yodomi aru SUTOORII
Itsu kara ka nanika wo ushinatte
Kakushiteta hontou no boku wo shiru
Imi mo naku nantonaku susumu
Yodomi aru SUTOORII

Tsumari tada sore kudake chitta dake
tsumari tada sore kaze ni matta dake
Kimi no me ni tada hikaru shizuku
Aa, seiten no hekireki
Itami dake nara ni toubun sa, sou sa
Bokura no iro
Shiroi iki ga kireru made
Tobashite kakenuketa ano michi
Oka no ue kara mieru machi ni saita
Kimi to iu hana mata sakasu yo

Tsumari tada sore kudake chitta dake
tsumari tada sore kaze ni matta dake
Kimi no me ni tada hikaru shizuku
Aa, seiten no hekireki
Itami dake nara ni toubun sa, sou sa
Bokura no iro
Shiroi iki ga kireru made
Tobashite kakenuketa ano michi
Oka no ue kara mieru machi ni saita
Kimi to iu hana mata sakasu yo

Kimi rashii iro ni

Things to accomplish.  Hopefully maybe.

Open Book project
Zoo advert
Collection
Website

Oh god.  Two weeks.  Good night.

The subject refers to taking three deep BREATHS you freaks.

Hiatus time. I hate to do it, but My Fake Heart! is going to have to go to the back of my mind for now. I'm really really sorry guys. But this summer I'm going to fight for time to work on my art and to move and get myself, my sister and assorted others to animemazement.

This is only for a couple of weeks, until I'm done with school. May 15, I'll be back with a new page and hopefully a full chapter of one of my current projects, Stitches and Such.

Okies, I'm going to get to work now. You probably won't hear from me until after May 12. Thanks for your patience in advance.

I still have some things up on Etsy. com <3 [link]

Status:
MFH! will resume May 15
Closet: editing Ch. 3
Stitches and Stuff: school project, still in planning stage and pencilling

A low rumble of thunder just sounded outside.  Time to unplug the laptop.

Lets go back about 4 or 5 months.  Kira and I are both looking to leave the nest once and for all.  So we go in together and put in our application for low income housing literally spittin' distance from Wilkes (I could probably spit that far.  Yeah...I totally could!)  The lady tells us it might be a year until we hear back about any openings.

Today, I'm up in the library, emailing someone at MCAD about transferring credits.  Kira comes skipping, looking happy.  I assume it's just because I haven't seen her in forever.  Then, I see Kristi, and Ruby.  Then  I wonder who got hurt, to have them all running up here like that.

"You had a call, and I answered it, 'cause I thought y'know," Kira explains.

I cut her off with a wave of my hand.  "You know me, so you knew it'd be okay for you to answer."

"Yeah, and I answered and I thought it might be your girlfriend or something, but I said, 'Niki's not here, this is her friend,' and the lady said, 'Then is this Kira?'  It was the lady from Windemere, she has a place available in thirty days!"

So, myself being such a verbose and well-spoken individual, responds with an intelligent, "GUHH?!"

Kira nods, still beaming, and chirps "Yeah!"

Oh my god.  A quarter inch stack of paper is all that stands between myself and an apartment.  GUHHH!!!!!  Later Kristi played Flight of the Valkyries on her laptop in honor of our victory.  ^.^

BUT DILEMMA TIEM!!! (there's always a dilemma of some sort with me)

I've been offered a job in Wilmington this summer.  I can't be certain of the hours, but I'd have a place to stay for about $250 a month.  I think I'll take the apartment.  Who knows when I could get that opportunity again, and I have another semester to go.  Yeah, I think I'll go with the apartment.  It's less moving, less trouble.  The only thing that Wilmington could have offered me was a new experience, but this is also a new chance, complete independence yo!  I'm still not  that far from mom and Kathy, and I know that was something they were thinking about when I talked to them about Wilmington.

Also, I've decided not to get the table at Animazement this year.  It's just too much, especially if I'm going to move between now and then.

I still have some things up on Etsy. com <3
 

I realize this is chapter two, but I needed to spell check this before putting it on http://fictionpress.com/~nikilemonade

My Fake Heart; Disastrous!
Chapter Two: The Notes, The Bottle, The Thanks
Amanda Jean McCrear

SO I ignored my classwork in favor of cleaning my room and doing MFH today. I got it updated, that's all that counts, isn't it? -__-'

http://nikilemonade.deviantart.com/art/MFH-Page-Fifty-Four-119187497
http://myfakeheart.thewebcomic.com

I'll probably work on the fiction of My Fake Heart; Disastrous! for a bit. n.n

G'night.

Sam sighs in his sleep, grunting lightly. I smile in the blue glow of the laptop, sparing my mind a break from webcomics to the dog curled up under the desk. He is caring and playful, genuinely excited to see me. I couldn't ask for a better dog.

So this weekend was nice. I worked like a dog (which is a phrase I find amusing as my dog snores peacefully at my feet) and got to hang out with my girlfriend. We shopped and went to Adventure Landing in Winston. It was fun. But lacking on the adventure bit due to Tig's new toy, a GPS thingy. Ooo! But I bought pickled ginger, so I can snack on that later.

I attempted to make sushi the other day. It turned out soggy, but damn tasty. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. I also ordered some Onigiri molds and soy sauce bottles from Amazon plus a couple of things from world Market. Fun and Adventure awaaaayyy!!

I'm working on MFH! the Webcomic and MFH; Disastrous! and the next chapter of From One Closet and Out the Other. Plus that project, and making hats for Animazement. AND class projects. Oh mah gawd. I don't think I've had so much happening at once before. And I don't think I've been this determined to get it all done before. I want to. I have to. SO I will. End of discussion, right?

Anyway, I'm going to drive home, go to sleep, then wake up tomorrow and complete some housecleaning and ferretcleaning and clothescleaning, then begin on my projects. Wish me luck!

Crossposted from dA.

Random coloring practice done in free time: http://nikilemonade.deviantart.com/art/Waltzing-Mathilda-118464029

Forgive me if I sound rather random right now, listening to random vocaloid stuff. <3

Anywho, just thought I'd procrastinate from doing my classwork by updating here. My personal life just got simpler, and the play my comrades and I put on this weekend was a wonderful experience. I had to take a week off of work (since the show was happening when I usually am at work) but it's okay because my latest paycheck should be enough to cover me until I get paid again. My dad needs another $400 for the van a.k.a. the "Bloody Moose" to be completely fixed. I've got that much on me (I've been better about money lately ^.^ like not spending much of it at all better) so I'll be able to hopefully get the van before the 23rd when my photography class will be taking a field trip to the NC zoo. I can't wait, my current vehicle is coughing in that annoying "I'm gonna die soon" way.

I'm considering entering the Platinum comics contest (I'll post a website for that contest later) but the only con is it has to be in color. I suck at coloring. Ah well, time to practice I suppose.

I'm considering art colleges for maybe the spring semester next year. I'd like a sequential art degree, and I'm willing to do the work and commit to it financially. It'll be a pain in the ass, but I'll take it like a seme.

Working on a comic for class, so I haven't had much time for My Fake Heart! but I hope to have an update or two in the next week. <3

Meanwhile, I'm eternally grateful for everyone's patience. Much love to everyone who supports me mentally, financially, and with their kind words. I couldn't ask for better friends.

Status:
MFH! 54 pencilling
Closet: working on Ch. 3 in which Johnny and Phillip...do...something, I'm working on it
For Animazement---
Hats: 3/20
Wristwarmers: 0/20
Onigiri: need to restock
On Etsy.com [http://nikilemonade.etsy.com]
1 black kitty hat
3 fairy tushes (varying colors)

So I realized while perusing my friends page that I haven't updated in forever. I need to manage my life and time better. Less reading porn on the interwebs and more...doing productive things. LIke MFH! Rarr.

And yet I have nothing to update. >.

So I'm flushing out an idea for a new comic. I don't have a title. But it's forming interestingly in my head. ^.^ It involves a stuffed animal who comes to life in an unorthodox way. By piecing together bits of unused bodies in the afterlife and sewing it together for a body to help out her former owner, her only friend.

Thoughts and or opinions?