Finally, finally, that tasty temptress is legally mine. I love being a lightweight, not even through a single can of mike's hard lemonade and I'm already pleasantly buzzed. man mythbusters is a lot funnier when your you're drunk. (wtf self??? Man.)

I really wish January would hurry up and get the fuck over here. I feel like I'm stuck running in place. Suckage.

ALSO: anyone who loves me needs to find me one of the Harry Potter soundtracks, so that during my two day train ride to MCAD I will be thoroughly. rrrarrr

Happy birthday to me. happy birthday to me. Alcohol makes me sleepy; happy birthday to me!

I'm in the school library, wearing a pretty sparkly poofy gothic princess dress while there's a dance going on downstairs. I have a tiara on and a mask made from duct tape. I'mma go have fun, 'kay?

Um.

I'm going to art school.  I was admitted to the Minneapolis College of Art and Design for the spring semester.

I need to buy socks.  A lot of them, made out of wool.

I'm quite proud of myself, and feeling very victorious indeed.  I...I fucking did it.  With no help from anyone except my counselor.  Not mom, or dad, or Aunt Kathy, or any of my friends (who are rather morose at the prospect of my departure).  I mean, I hardly even helped myself with all my procrastinating.  But, I did it.

I can't wait for January. XD

omaigawd

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I feckin' did it.

Did it.

Got everything finished, so now that unless some sort of catastrophe happens with the U.S. postal service, all of my application stuff for MCAD is now completed.  I kinda just drove around for a while (in my illegal car with no insurance) mostly because I kinda miss driving and also because I just felt so elated.  So accomplished.  I finished it on time.  I'm about to go fangirl over their site and try to get a glimpse of their dorms.  I'm curious.

Also, today I am wearing the coat of badassery.  Which I purchased from Goodwill for twenty dollars.  It's a little too small, but so badass, I just don't care.  It's calf length, and does that awesome swooshy thing when I run.  Hehe.

omgomgomgomgomgomgwtfbbq!!!!!!!!!!

Also:  updated Amadeus.  On time.  Have other pages ready too.  It's a good day.

I made somethin' awesome.

And an icon.

also...this

finished english paper, now I get to go turn it in fecking finally, then later get to work on the co-op stuff.  Oh yeah.

I'm in New Jersey at my brother's house.  There is a baby.  My new nephew.  He's an adorable little quiet bundle of life.

I'm kinda over it.  And I've only been here fifteen hours.

Jersey smells like a sewer.  And we're not really in Jersey, we're in the pine woods, where the pineys live.  Do you know what pineys are?  They're the rednecks of Jersey.  I'm in the north, and I found the rednecks of jersey.  Right next door.  What the fuck...

Other than the squishy beach that stunk, we're having fun.  I made a new friend in the form of a smallish fiddler crab.  I forgot my license and therefore was not allowed to drive.  We drove through DC, but I was more fascinated by the way the highways and ramps stretching over and around each other resembled the scene in Transformers where Optimus rips Brawl apart than the phallic-er, patriotic monument piercing the night sky.  Heh.

My brother hasn't changed much.  He's pretty well whipped by his woman, but that's to be expected from a boy raised in our family.  He's quieter, but that comes as well from growing up.

Mom's happy as a fangirl at a con.  Dad's happy to have his drinking buddy back.  Becky's glad to have her family together again.

We had pizza.  Really, really good greasy pizza.  I'm gonna have to eat salads for like a week after this.  The moon was full while we were driving.  The light was beautiful, and the stars fought to be seen against the radiance.

We're about to go pick up some dinner.  I'll describe the gifts later.

OMAIGAWD I get to do some signs for a nature trail nearby, plus some brochures and bulletin board signs. I'm excited to get to work on something that will be available to the public for a while. Eeeeee!

ALSO: I'm still working on Amadeus. I'm trying to figure the main character's personality now. It's tempting to make her happy and bubbly all the time, it's easier to write, but that's not who she really is, y'know?

( LONG RAMBLE STARTS HERE :D )

Okay, had to do my battle with the college to get all the classes I need, so I'll be able to graduate with two degrees, (Graphic design and a general education degree) and now I get to deal with the Financial aid which has been swarmed all week. Also, I'm learning what it means to be a starving artist. Paid $10 for a tube of paint. I shoved my bank card at the cashier and sobbed a little. But then I got to play with that paint, and it...it was fun. My hands are covered in paint. Still. ^.^

Anyway the manga I've been discussing is in production. I also plan to revisit My Fake Heart the fiction, while writing the sequel, so anyone who is dismayed at MFH's cancellation shall have some consolation.

Money sucks, btw. I'm not getting enough hours at work, so I'll probably try to get some things up on Etsy. If anyone still wants to buy a hat or tutu, message me. They've been removed from the etsy site, but I still have the products yo. <3

Amadeus should start in September. I've got like twenty sheets worth of paper work to fill out for my Co-op class. x.x

I'm crap with titles (My Fake Heart is my crowning achievement)  so which sounds best for a fantasy story (with lesbians and gay guys, naturally.) ??

Amadeus
Ansgar
Gudrun
Mahatma

I'm quitting MFH after this chapter.  It's dead to me creatively.  And I think I've been clinging to it simply because of the emotional attachment I have to the person that inspired me to create it.  So yeah.  New story time.  Maybe I'll be able to work better on it.

I'll take a month's hiatus, get some chapters backlogged, start fresh.  Working on actually advertising this one.  It's a good idea, it's new material.  Two of my favorite things.  Also, I want to start a diary comic.   A way to write down all my thoughts.

I want to start changing myself.  I'll start here.  Move on to other things at the same time.  I want to be a regular updater.  I want to do so much.  I need to be more motivated to do the things I want.

PROGRESS:
MFH:  Two pages until I'm done.
New story:  Planning, trying to come up with a decent title
MFH:D!:  It's dead too.
Diary Comic:  Title: Esoteric Rainbows  I'll get to it.
Fiction:  Still working on From One Closet.  And some random fanfiction

She shifts gently in the warmth of the bed.  Worn blankets that have a soft, familiar scent to them encase her, long auburn hair tangled and splayed out carelessly.  Turning to her side and shrugging the blanket securely between her shoulder and chin, Amanda lets out a contented sound.

A rustling sound comes from next to her as someone else cuddles closer to her heat.  Amanda's eyes fly open, her body tenses on reflex.  Slowly, she relaxes as she remembers where she is.  She doesn't even try to fight the smile that crawls lazily across her face.  Blinking her sleepy eyes, she leans her face forward, planting a quiet kiss on Natalie's brow, her face obscured by her wild red hair, tousled more than Amanda's.

Stirring, Natalie turns her face upward, catching Amanda's gaze with her own confused one.  Recognition and something stronger pours out from her expression, and her arm snakes through the blankets to rest on Amanda's hips.

"G'morning," Amanda mumbles, slipping her hand across Natalie's freckled arm, grazing her cheek with a caress and sliding her nails across Natalie's scalp.

Natalie smiles, obviously happy that the prior night had not been a dream as she had feared.  Her hand glides from where she had been tracing circles on Amanda's hips across the plane of smooth skin to her growing stomach, lightly feeling Amanda's heart beat there, near her belly button.  Imagining the accidental life growing there, knowing she already loves this kid as much as she loves Amanda and as much as she hates the 'father' for abandoning her.  Knowing she will do her damned best to protect both Amanda and her child (their child?) and hoping she wasn't the only one thinking long term.  Remembering how much drama and how many tears they had both seen to get to this point, and feeling.

Feeling grateful and loved and goddamn lucky.  Natalie can't help herself as she tilts her face to kiss her once again lover, her love and emotion fueling the strength behind it.

"Mornin'," she answers softly.

Check it out homies.

myfakeheart.livejournal.com

basket for bike............15
handlebars..................7
couch..............?............50-100
chairs..............?............?
more later

ETSY SALE!!

Everything I've got up for $6 each with shipping.  I NEEDS MONEYS!

http://nikilemonade.etsy.com

As I sit here watching Bones (oh god I love the Deschanel ladies) I figured I should describe the weekend.

Never.  Again.  I can't not have a table at that con.  Lame.  Just, not for me.  It was...interesting.  The new place was pretty, but huge.  Argh.  My legs...ugh.  But that was probably partly because of the 3 hours of dancing I did both nights.  It was fun, but exhausting.  Made some new friends reconnecting with old ones, and Becky was adorable.  Everyone got along fine, which made me happy.

Also:  I found Antique Bakery 2-4.  I was ecstatic, and paid forty dollars for them (not each).  Also found a pretty three layer bento and a star charm from Mario and a diorama from Galaxy Express.  I spent most of my money on food.  Next year will be planned better.  I tried to just wing it this time, and was deeply disappointed by the results.

I don't have much else to say.
....?

Animazement.  I'll be there.  Eventually.  Fuck not ready. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHGAGHGHGHAfuckjews

It comes suddenly and without warning.  Half listening to the song playing on my laptop as I read warm and funny stories written by an incredibly talented author.  I realize what song it is.  The words I sang before, two years ago, in the passenger seat of a car, silver and well loved by the boy I'm supposed to be dating.  And in the backseat, the one I wish I were dating, the girl who proclaims that she loves my voice when I sing.  How I love her, how I worship the ground she even thinks about walking on...she's the only reason I date him.  His name is Chris, hers is Sara.  I love her, not him.  I tell him.  I inform him of my crush on my best friend, and he says it's cool.  I don't think he ever understood that.  How far gone I was for her.



How faint memories can still conjure that same sensation, of a lasso being tied around my heart and pulled from my chest in heaves, strong and irresistible.  She's on the other end of that line, smiling that happy mischievous smile of hers that can belong to no one else but Sara.  He said it was cool, but when I finally confront him, and break up with him.  He cries.  He can't understand.  But I do.  I don't like him.  His kisses flood my mouth with his saliva, which was something that made Sara laugh hard for long minutes when I told her.  But I wanted to try.  I wanted to get over Sara.  I was getting tired of walking the razor's edge with her.  Up until I finally do confess.


And she suggests I ask out this female friend of ours.  And it is a sobering moment in which my heart starts to break.  I grow bolder, and say things that I know will upset her, but then...then I no longer concerned myself with whether or not she would like me after that.  I was tired of her attitude.  So I spoke my mind.  In the space of a week, we are no longer speaking.  And my heart has finally broken in two.  I am eventually elated.  Maybe, with her being a bitch to me, I can get over her.  Within a month, she has called me and apologized, but I don't seek her out.  I let her come to me, let her invite me.  I started falling for her again the next summer, when her attentions become more adventurous.  Bolder.  More seductive.  My heart is piecing itself together again.  I don't think I'll ever be over her.


But now...now she's pregnant.  Now she's having his child.  I'm still not sure how I feel about this.  Not moved to tears as I was for my other friend, Erica, one of the few women I've never felt anything but platonic love for in my life.  Not upset and worried as I was for Drew.  Just...numb I suppose.  Like this is the clincher.   Now...I suppose now she really never will call me and confess her love as I might have secretly hoped for my whole life.

I updated!  Where's my cookie?  And by cookie I mean comments.  and love.  Where's my love?  <3

http://myfakeheart.smackjeeves.com
http://nikilemonade.deviantart.com/art/MFH-Page-Fifty-Six-122596117